Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old

(503): View more from Oregon

You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.

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(319): View more from Iowa

he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.

Fav 8 3398 1081
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(334): View more from Alabama

This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

Fav 36 16127 1595
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(248): View more from Michigan

he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

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(904): View more from Florida

Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.

Fav 9 3937 1338
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(305): View more from Florida

Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.

Fav 4 1658 900
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(612): View more from Minnesota

rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.

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(620): View more from Kansas

There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes

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