Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
