Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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