With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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