In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
