you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
