Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
