yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
