New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
