He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
