Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
