I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
