don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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