my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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