I will die if light touches me.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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