I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
