Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
