worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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