In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
