I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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