you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
