DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
