Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
