Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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