i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My dick has a subreddit
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
