I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
