When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
