took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
