My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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