maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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