she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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