I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
