You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
