Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
