why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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