I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
