Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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