There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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