If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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