Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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