Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize