One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
