the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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