my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
