Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
