Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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