My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
