That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
