just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
