i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
