when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
