im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
