Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
