Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
