Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
