its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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