Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
