i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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