my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
