me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
