I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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