I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
