Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?