i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
