my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
