saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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