can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
