Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
